Diary~♥

can't take comments

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 |8:30 PM

shall come straight to my point for the post today. i don't like beating about the bush. it's about 2 sisters in my church.

had an argument with a sister in my church on monday. actually we communicated through msn. @ that moment i wasn't feeling too good and she said certain things.which i totally didn't want to hear. ( i guess if she is feeling as down as me, i guess there are certain things which she didn't want to hear @ that point as well) anyway..i was quite unkind to her. in fact that night i went to meet joel and jem and she didn't know and she said something like "don't take joy in such accompany" (something like that).i was like..forget it.u dun even know who i am meeting and what a thing u said.i dun wish to talk anymore and i just log off.

subsequently today, i sms her and apologise to her for the unkind attitude. in fact i was doing it because i didn't want to sow discord in the cg. eventually i told her i didn't like the approach she used on me because @ THAT MOMENT and i EMPHASIZE it's @ that moment i really felt she is giving me the "You are more spiritual than me" kind of approach. which i simply detest. and she just said she is disappointed. if it's because of this thing that she feel disappointed i don't wish to explain myself anymore. WHY?? i believe if she becomes a shepherd she will definitely meet people who will say even worst stuff..it's true that @ THAT MOMENT she really gave me that feeling. well, if that's how she chooses to be disappointed. then should i just sweep things under the carpert???? and forget about the whole issue??? the fact that i apologise to her today it's that i know she treats me as a sister but i also told her frankly i really don't like that kind of approach. I believe she has been feeling down before and @ certain moments there are certain things that when people say she won't like to hear. it's just like me, i don't appreciate what was said @ that moment. Can't she understand. What if when she is unhappy and i tell her " hey, you tend to have emotional dependency on people" or "don't escape when problems arise". i don't think she will appreciate what was said. If she can't take what i said, then what if her future sheeps tell her things like " i don't like the way you teach me". is she going to tell the sheep directly, i am disappointed with you???

Next up is another sister. she sms me and ask me how i was and she told me she hopes i will stop dwelling in negativity. In the first place, i don't think she ever know why i had this negativity. I told her i don't understand why is it that certain people are actually in the CT. when i dun even see them in cg neither do i see them in church. and she got fed up and replied " if you can't stop dwelling in negativity, i won't sms". As usual, the only thing they want is to ask you stop dwelling without going down to the root as to why did you feel about it this way. What has happen and cause me to think this way? The only way they want is to "STOP IT". In fact i told her i feel unfairness in the church. why??:

1) When i see her face black, i really don't see people telling her. But when i face black, people will directly tell me "Hey y u black face?" it makes me wonder, is it because of the status??

2) An incident occur on the way back from church camp. we were on the coach and was stuck @ the causeway. there was this brother who had nachos and we were passing the nachos around. So he asked who is hungry. The girl next to me said she was and he offered her. and when i said i was he said " No, you are not hungry. So you shan't have any" and he gave to other people. i was really damn PISSED at that point. but i only sms someone to tell that person. other than that no one knew about it. It's this kind of treatment that i HATE! What the Hack?? If it's because the girl is a leader's gf while i am just a normal member then forget it. DAMN sick..

all these issues no body ever ask. the only thing they want of you is "forget it. Don't dwell in it" yet they don't bother about asking you what has trigger all these stuff? If that's the way things should be dealt with. It's fine that we can sweep things under the carpert. Wait till next time things happen and all these are triggered then it will be brought up again. Isn't it the same??