~Phew~ in a few hours time. February is approaching. Was sending a friend back on Friday night and during our conversation, he asked how am I. At that very moment, I couldn't really say how I was. There wasn't a word which I could use to describe how was Jan 2010 like to me. The only thing I can say is I enjoy talking to this friend because this person has a very encouraging spirit so when he dropped off i somehow heard him say this "I believe God/your relationship is stronger/bigger than the problem." So, while I was driving home alone after dropping him off, I was trying to use a word that I can describe how January was to me and what have I learnt in this month. Finally, I thought of this word "Turbulent". Yes, indeed, January is a turbulent month with many happenings.

It kicked off with the 1st day of Jan which I was super offended by some people by certain things that were put through to me. I guess never have I really thought of leaving somewhere until this very moment. All odds told me that "Yes just go." At a time when I was really emotional, my feelings were "leave". Naturally, leaving was the easiest way out. But thankfully, I have a leader who cares enough for me to spend hours with me and we also discover something which I shan't blog it here. I guess I have alot to learn from this incident and the parties involved as well. But I thought of something..It seems like not too long ago, I asked God this question->" What are the things that really can make me very angry?" Dangerous question.

Another was my budget, you all have read enough of it so I shan't go on and on. I am so glad Feb is here cause its an END to this torture!!!

On 27 Jan 2010, I received a bad news while knocking off from work. My dad told me my dog passed away. This news didn't make my Jan 2010 any better. I really miss him. Its been 4 days since he's gone. The house atmosphere is just weird with no bruce to chase me around for food. No danger of stepping on his pee. No whining and barking that wakes everyone of us up on Sunday mornings. I am still adapting to life without him and I guess all of us at home are still trying to do so.

The house has been undergoing renovation since Dec and I posted pictures of my wardrobe and study table. To add on to it, there were additional stuff that were subsequently included in the renovation. My mum decided to change all our doors and also 1 of the wall in my room will be repainted. Surprisingly...I didn't choose pink as the color. In fact, purple is my choice. To add on, my brother was complaining that he wants to change the aircon in his room because its very noisy. I guess I am the beneficiary of this whole deal of changing air con because his room and my room shares 1 compressor. Hiaks hiaks. To add on to our additional request, we both had a TV Console done up. :) and here it is...

~In loving memory of my previous loving dog~ You will always be remembered by all of us at home. Having struggled with heart problem for a couple of years, my dog passed away, peacefully today -> 27 Jan 2010. He lived till a ripe old age of 15 years old. Considered old for a dog? Yes it is..I remembered vividly that at the age of 15, my mum asked me 1 day if I would like to have a dog and I remembered i showed my interest. So on a Sat, we went over to the distant relative house to view the dog. Initially, we didn't like him cause he was barking at the top of his voice and he seemed unfriendly and fierce. But we got into the house and while we were talking to the relatives, he came to lick us. :) Since then I liked him and told my mum, "Yes its him that I want."

The following week, the ex owners of my dear bruce sent him over. Bruce came to our house at the age of 2. He loved our house because he was no longer constraint to a small space. He could run about in the garden and of course he had all the attention he wanted cause we had a helper at home. Bruce was a companion to all of us. Everyone in the family loved him. In his hay days, whenever the postman comes, Bruce will bark his lungs off. Even when there were construction workers walking past the house, he will also bark. The best part is, he can't be left alone at home because he will bark the whole day until someone is back (and i really mean he has such stamina). Bruce ain't toilet trained, so he pees everywhere but eventually somehow he knew where he's suppose to do his business. But occassionally, when he gets naughty, he just does it anywhere. We were angry with him, but just can't to hit him. My Dad pampers him like crazy, just like a little kid. He's the life of our family.

However, due to his age, his health have also been deteriorating. Bruce had been suffering from heart problem for a couple of years and his skin is also getting very sensitive. The worst was a couple of months back, he had maggots attacking him and we had to operate on him. He suffered, yet we wanted to keep him alive as long as we can. Visits to the vet was getting more frequent. Our family reached a consensus that no matter what happens we will not put him to sleep. That's the last thing on our mind. So it was a constant struggle seeing him suffer and also whether to put him to sleep. In these few weeks, he showed signs that his heart was about to give way. It was just 2 Sundays ago that he was panting very hard. I came home early the following day and brought him to the vet. The vet told me "You have to be mentally prepare, coz his heart is really very weak." They just gave him an injection. Surprisingly, after a few days, he seems well again coz he could eat, climb the stairs and also bark at his maximum volume. Though, often he looks lethargic. Then just last Sunday, he seem unusual again, but subsequently, on Monday and yesterday, he was back to his normal self.

This morning, while I was having my breakfast, Bruce was chasing after me for his share. Then when I was about to leave hom, I said "bye Bruce." Never have i expected that while I just knocked off from home, to receive a call from my Dad "Bruce have passed away peacefully." Yes he had some struggles. My dad said he showed serious difficulty in breathing and then in less than 10 mins, his heartbeat stopped. I cried. I got home as quick as I can and saw his lifeless body. I cried as I touched him.. My Bruce is gone and I miss him..I do and I know I always will. He had been the best company. The best gatekeeper. The most fun loving dog...

and we often make fun that it's called the "cone of shame". But who cares if it really is, as long as it prevents him from injuring himself, we will put it on.

Bruce just came out from the hospital. Weak...

This resting chair which was meant for us is 1 of his favourite resting places.

If anyone knows or those who are close enough to me, knows that the past 3 weeks have been a nightmare. It is probably 1 of the lowest point in my 28 years of living on this planet earth. everything just don't seem to work right and head in the right direction. from work, at home to church life. everything is like SCREWED! ya the word is kinda of crude but i can't think of another better work to describe the kinda of feeling. everything is just put to a test. My patience, tolerance level and of coz my relationship with God.

At work, since late last year in Dec, we kicked off our yearly budget. ok let me put it, budgeting involves management accounting and management accounting is something which i dread since university days. I really hate it. For those who wants to know why, you can request for me to show you my transcript and it explains clearly. haha. To add on to my "hate" relationship with management accounting, it also involves me dealing with my counterparts. (for those who know which are the people i deal with, will know the reason). Its hard to explain to my counter parts things because its something like 说了也不明白.. plus they are like "rubberband" time. Everytime they promised me that they will submit a piece of work to me in 1/2 an hr time, but it seems like the 1/2 an hr takes 3 hours or when they say today, it seems like today never comes or usually its end of their day which is 2 1/2 hours behind SG timing. Besides, the high level of communication with them, the SG HQ is facing lots of pressure as well and because its my 1st time doing this piece of work, I just keep making lots of errors. The feeling of sian-ness kicks in especially when I have to look @ reports, analyse it and think of questions that I can raise like whether the GP margin is reasonable, expenses are allocated properly and if all these "gel" with all the assumptions that were made. Head must match tail right? And with all these questions, we are suppose to inform our bosses so that when they go for their meeting, they can use all these as their "ammunition".

To add on to the budget thing, we have our monthly closing, 3rd quarter reporting and ad hoc projects. Everyday is like leaving office at 10 plus or 11 so by the time I get home, I just can't wait to sleep. But yet, another nightmare is awaiting @ hm..

Also, since last Dec, my house have been undergoing renovation. To come home and yet you still see workers dismantling things and fixing up things and the whole house haven't been cleaned. How to sleep? The floor is dusty. So by the time I reached home and everyone is busy, I have to start cleaning up my room. Mop, sweep, pack. 1 word - tiring! To make my life more miserable, I've suffered without a 温馨餐 for about 1 1/2 months. As if it isn't enough, my house used to have 3 bathrooms readily available for usage. But because my mum decides to revamp all the bathrooms, currently only 1 toilet is available and its on the ground floor. So...everyone snatches to use the toilet. My room condition besides the nice wardrobe that I've posted up earlier, the contractors have also demolish the old one and you know what..there's a big hole on the ceiling..and no tiles on the floor whereby the old wardrobe is. So no air con as well! Luckily, I ain't someone who can't survive without air con..so Fan it is for me!! It's been a week since I've been living on fan.

As if, living in Singapore ain't HOT enough and all the OT and late nights didn't build up enough "fire" in me, something that happened 3 weeks ago added more tension into my life. What happened 3 weeks ago that I don't wish to mention here added alot of hurts into my life. I mean I can say now I have forgiven these people who have hurt me but @ this point of time, I guess I am probably not too ready or comfortable to see them in person. Its hard because although forgive already but its awkward coz don't have anything to say. The incident really just reminded me of what happened 5 years ago on that fateful day on 11 Sep 2004 where everything just went wrong. Although I must say it these 2 incidents involved totally different people, but the feeling of it all was just totally the same. But through this incident, I am very thankful for 2 persons. 1 being a leader in my life who despite the pain in her jaw, her headache and being unable to talk much, she is so willing to spend her time finding/digging out all the issues and all the past experiences I have in my church life and Bingo, after much talk, her efforts paid off and we found the root cause of all these. Another person which I also want to thank is 1 of my ex ex shepherd. I never got a chance to tell her all that has happened in these 3 weeks until today when i was just asking her if she is going for someone's wedding and 1 thing led to another. We had a long chat and she shared with me certain things (some of her experiences)which made me felt "Hey I am not the only 1 who goes through this. I have someone who's very close to my heart who can understand the same sort of feeling."

Well to put things on a better note, some things that I can give thanks for. My company had our DND just last friday. The theme was "Casino Royale". Good theme I must say because that means you don't need to be dressed up in some costumes. Simple dress can liao. This is my 2nd time attending the DND and can i say this-> I reckon that Swissotel Merchant Court serves nice Food. Yeah! But the thing which i was very pek chek with myself is-> How could i have forgotten to bring the lucky draw coupon!!!!! Maybe the $1000 travel voucher could have been mine!!! ARGH!!!!!!! Then..here i come Sydney & Melbourne in Jul'10! I had alot of fun with the rest of my colleagues and well there were people who were dressed to the occassion. As for me, I kept it simple. Just a purple dress with a Big Big ribbon behind serves best. :)

Evelyn says she wants a photo that she's standing and so we did this. Right Smack in front of the theme of the night!.

had my dnd today and i promised that I'll reached by 630pm so that I can grab the parking coupon. Knowing that parking charges @ Swissotel is er..atrocious. Who knows due to some turn of events and the friday jam, i only managed to reach by er. close to 8pm and by the time i arrived, all the parking coupons have been fully grabbed.

Having known that the parking charges are super expensive, i actually told the head of my company's recreation club (who's also the overall organiser of the whole dnd) that if she happens to be given extra. Please do remember me and pass me 1. But she told me "she will be very busy the whole night because she will have to run around. But she will try." Seriously when she told me that i understood her situation. Of course i know, to be the leader to head the whole dnd for 30+ tables, making sure everything runs smoothly. I won't blame her if she forgets or even if she distributes any additions to the management head.

Well midway through the DND, she came to my table personally and actually passed the coupon. and it saved my day because when i left, the parking charges came up to a whopping $15. In fact what i am trying to get at is this:

For just a colleague, whom i have spoken less than 10 times to. Seeing her in office is a hi-bye. Yet when i told her this that "please remember to pass me 1 coupon if you have extra." and she can remember this. Despite her busy-ness of running the whole show the night, yet she came right to my table and handed me the coupon. It really made me feel appreciated. It really made me feel that at least someone remembers me. Someone whom I am not even close to actually be so sweet to me yet some people whom i've always regarded to as a "family" can actually stab me right in the heart. It's really a world of difference.. really...

Since the beginning of 2010, i learnt a few important lessons:

1) High risk doesn't equivalate to high returns. Being an accounting student and an accountant by profession, I must say taking risks doesn't necessary churn out good returns or should i put it this way, it may not even have any returns. Taking risks in fact can have the consequences :1) good returns, 2) bad returns, 3) no returns, 4) long term returns and 5) short term returns. So depending on what type of person you are, be very cautious whenever you have the urge to take risks. The returns may not be what you want or foresee it to be.

2) This lesson which I am going to mention is 1 that had, is having and will have a great impact in my life. I learnt that I got to be wary of opening my heart to people or put it this way, even being real to people. A lesson I learnt is, even in the closest community, there are people who 笑里藏刀 and when they take out their dagger, it cuts real deep. I've learnt to be wary of such people. Yes, indeed it is a hard lesson to learn but through it I also learnt that opening my heart to people whom be easy anymore. The access to the doorway is now-->SHUT!

3)Another lesson is this-> when relationships aren't stable or not ready to be shaken, its best to leave it as status quo. Certain things takes only stable relationships to be said. If it is spoken without a stable relationship or not knowing how the other party will react, then think twice about saying it out. Even if there is a need for it to be done, should it be done publicly or privately? Think twice!

4)"Rome was not built in a day". How true is this saying! Just imagine with me, when you have been building a structure over a period and you are seeing the structure, then just over a night, an earthquake came and destroyed it. Brought to ground zero. How long will it take to rebuild this structure? I don't know man..I guess by just picking up the pieces will take a time. To talk about rebuilding the structure? Ages perhaps.