tremendous wisdom...
Monday, August 28, 2006 |8:15 PM
just something to share with you all..
i guess approx. 2 weeks ago i shared with some brothers & sisters that when i told my mgr i will be going on leave in sep (5-8). The first reaction i saw from his face was that he wasn't very happy and wanted me to cancel the leave. Then he said i didn't inform him before hand. But actually when i submitted my leave application was way before i was booked on my current project. Then i tried to reason my way saying that another mgr approved my leave before i was booked so can't expect me to cancel the leave. plus i knew i wanted to go for the missions trips.
Subsequently my manager said "ok you can go but then on 1 condition. You've got to finish all your stuff before you go." In my heart, i was like eh..ok...how to finish..as some of you all know..currently i am working on a project which my company views it as highly important and i am actually re-writing the company's financial manual.
For some who know me better, you all would know i've actually been in my current company for 3 mths and i really have no prior knowledge of writing financial manuals.. on top of that through out this project which i've been on for the past 1 mth so..my knowledge is like "half past 6"..
With all these in my heart, i was super discourage and unhappy plus worried. How to finish?? i was wondering..so every morning i ask God to give me wisdom..let me know what to write..the important things to be included..
today is the deadline for submitting the first draft..and fearfully i submitted it. (actually i was prepared to get a scolding coz i thought what i wrote was rubbish)..my manager came back earlier to me and said.."kinda of impressive ah!"...
Praise God!!
something special...
Tuesday, August 22, 2006 |8:40 PM
anyone remember about the colleague i mentioned whom i was working happily with until he was taken out of the project?? RL...anyone recall? anyway have been almost 1 mth since he's not on this project already...during this period of time we still talk but not much..the usual me was i was getting abit sianz..anyway the sian-ness do come in but each time this happens i always throw the burden back to God..actually during this mth..i became less dependable on RL for the work..I guess this is trial is something which God really wants to put me through..to strengthen my character bah..
Last night i was just thinking."God how come you can't tell me specifically if there can be any progression??".."How come cannot be like how you speak to me in missions..I want it to be so specific.." In fact, many times it has been like that..S.I.L.E.N.C.E..
Today i told Jarain i was unhappy..why God is silent in this area leh?? How come no answer..How come i can't hear anything..Is God going to do anything?? Can He shut the door if it's not in His will..at least do something..rather then just leave it to my imagination..after the talk..i decided that i should just trust God..because He has the ultimate good for me..so i let this matter rest...
Ho Ho Ho..surprisingly..today as i was going back..i walk back his desk..and he bade me "bye". Pleasantly surprise as he seldom does that(or should i say when i leave he is always not at his desk). Anyway, the thing was actually i proceeded to the ladies before leaving. The surprise was that as i was waiting at the lift lobby he also came out. I couldn't hide my happiness lah =)..but i didn't show it out too. The best thing is as it was a short distance from our office building to the mrt we had short conversation while walking..and i got to know him better.. To sum this up..i really want to thank God for allowing this to happen. =) and i am rest assured my Lord knows best.
Monday Blues???
Monday, August 21, 2006 |7:59 PM
Started today with the Lord and things seemingly well...not really having the blues today...somehow as i did my QT this morning, God spoke to me. On what?? Many might wonder..A little background..yesterday i was praying with shireen and i told her about my unhappiness in IA. sharing with her that i didn't know if IA was for me. Should i stay? Or should i just transfer to EA. (afterall it's my old trade) and i deal with numbers better than report..so shireen prayed for me..actually this unhappiness have been in my heart..making me dread going to work..and sometimes i really wanna break down and just cry..well again and again God intervened..first He intervened by speaking through the sermon..next was from this verse:
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us- they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation." Romans 5:3-4
After reading this i was like hmz...i think God is speaking to me...asking me to endure and endure so as to build up my character. Instead of giving up easily..=)
Next thing is an update on my missions trip..the time is near..about 2 more weeks..well actually from the time i decided to go till now..the time has really been like a "spiritual warfare"..first i had many unhappiness (feelings of negativity), then i fell sick...then today my manager say i never tell him i was going on leave in sep and required me to finish all my work before i work..and showed the unhappy face..my heart sank..=(..anyway we were reminded numerous times to submit our personal objective for this trip..as usual i had feelings of inadequacies..and i really didn't know if what i set was funny or would sound weird...but i decided to submit it:
1) Experience the true essence of love
2) Overcome my feeling of inadequacy of sharing the gospel. This time i want to share with @ least one unbeliever.
Seriously, life hasn't really been a bed of roses for me ever since i decided to go for the trip..many things come along the way trying to STOP me from going..many things happen to stop me from finding intimacy with God. I don't deny i fear also.. I fear i am the weakest in the group..fear that i will pull the group down...and the list goes on...but i was super encourage by this:
"...Intimacy can be threatening. Getting close to Jesus means we can no longer hide our inadequacies. His light illuminates everything that is wrong and ugly about our lives. Unconsciously, therefore, we may flee God's presence rather than pursue it. And Satan spurs on our retreat by telling us we're not good enough to earn God's favor. He tells us that when we get our act together - that's when we can enter the Living Room....Intimacy with God may require leaving our comfort zones. "
"having a mary heart in a martha world.."
Sunday, August 20, 2006 |8:14 PM
*blink blink* wondering what is it all about?? it's a book i'm reading currently. some back ground story of this book..it was given to me by a dear brother of mine during my 23rd birthday..never did finish reading the book the first time round so this time..i am actually re-reading it..what is this book talking about??
"An invitiaion for every woman who's ever felt she isn't godly enough, isn't loving enough, isn't doing enough."
The life of a woman isn't really all that different from that of Mary and Martha in the New Testament. Like Mary, you long to sit at the Lord's feet..but the daily demands of a busy world just won't leave you alone. Like Martha, you love Jesus and really want to serve him...yet you struggle with weariness, resentment, and feelings of inadequacy. Then comes Jeses, into the midst of your busy life, to extend the same invitataion he issued long ago to the two sisters from Bethany. Tenderly, he invites you to choose "the better part"- a joyful life of intimacy with him that flows naturally into loving service..
Seriously, any woman reading my blog feels it's easy being a woman?? i don't..i've always felt being constraint..with work..the busi-ness of life just won't leave me..being caught up with my own stuff..tv..study..shopping..and the list just goes on and on...i'm only 1/4 through the book..but many things i've learnt in my journey..
1. Salvation isn't about what I do; it's about what Jesus did. The Cross did more than pay for my sins; it set me free from the bondage of the "shoulds" and "if only" and "what might have beens" And Jesus' words to Martha are the words he wants to speak to your heart and mine:"You are worried and upset about many things. but only one thing is needed." The "one thing" is not found in doing more. It's found by sitting at his feet.
2. "Three Deadly Ds of Destruction." a) Distraction b) Discouragement c) Doubt
a) A Distracted Heart: If we're overly worried and bogged down by duties, chances are good our hearts will not hear the Savior's call to come. While distraction may not win the battle for our soul, getting our eyes off what is important will certainly make us more vulnerable to attack.
b) A Discouraged Heart: Discouragement breaks down our perspectives and our defences.
3. Jesus loves us enough to confront us when our attitude is wrong. " Those wom I love," says the Lord, "I rebuke and discipline" (Revelation 3: 19)
4. The fact is this, until we stop doubting God's goodness, we can't experience God's love. Rest assure,God will answer. He longs to reveal his love to you. But you won't find it by shaking your fist in his face. You won't find it by barging into his presence and demanding to be treated fairly. You'll find it by sitting at his feet and remembering who he is.
5. God reminded me the difference between worry vs concern. "Worry is allowing problems and distress to come between us and the heart of God. It is the view that God has somehow lost control of the situation and we cannot trust Him. A legitimate concern presses us closer to the heart of God and causes us to lean and trust on Him all the more." Concern draws us to God. Worry pulls us from him.
k k...a little too heavy eh?? share something lighter...remember i posted that i cut my hair...see the new me below bah...ciaozz..
TGIF
Friday, August 18, 2006 |8:13 AM
TGIF--Thank God It's Friday?? Thank God I'm Free?? Depends on you interpret it..i'm back in action. Maybe i should say thank God i am falling sick now. Imagine if i fall sick closer to my missions trip...then will be very jialat...it's 8.10am and i am still blogging not bad eh.but i don't go to work so early =) *envy* eh?? Thank God that i can feel or see that He is transforming my life. little by litte bit by bit..in what ways..
1) For someone who in the past never did like going for CG..now in fact i make time each week to go for CG..like wed i wanted to go so much but when i fell sick and couldn't go..i was =(.
2) For someone who fears praying (actually because i lazy)..i've slowly become someone who prays more...like Shireen telling me she has a job interview on ytd..so i prayed for her...and Connie who surprisingly sms last night and had a urgent prayer request for someone..and i also pray..
3) For someone who used to love night life and all the pubbing. In fact the other time i went drinking with my colleagues to celebrate someone's farewell..i just drank 1 glass the whole night..and i felt tired..and didn't want more...i have lesser late nights..and drink less.
4) For someone who didn't love reading...(or i just read mags) i am reading more Christian books to refresh myself and reading more of God's word..to be rooted..
5) For someone who felt that missions was not for me..but for other people..it took me so many years to catch the vision of missions..
6) For someone who used to focus on wanting to be married till now..my focus is diverted. I used to be someone so anxious...but now i choose to W-A-I-T...always remembering this "Trust me, my child. I have your ultimate good in mind."
hmz...my list goes on and on...and i can only conclude it with this:
"For it is impossible to be in the presence of Jesus and not be changed."
down with food poisoning..
Wednesday, August 16, 2006 |6:34 PM
it feels terrible...woke up early in the morning feeling fine...but.but..after breakfast things change..had a bun & cold tea..and headed for work...on the way to office still ok...reach office and started to feel stomach cramping...and heading for the toilet...couldn't take it @ 11.30am headed to the GP..and well i am down with food poisoning and fever.haizz..
took 1/2 day mc and went hm..had light lunch..porridge..but reached home and puke it out..terrible...slept all the way till 5+ and woke up to check my mails..this is T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E. worst of all..today got CG and they are celebrating the post Super Family Day which we are having Korean Food and here i AM!!! i can't go coz go liao also can't eat..and i still feeling the cramps...so will only face black black..=(.
while my cg people are eating korean food and i'll be home eating porridge..=( *sobsob*
SuPer TirinG WeeK
Tuesday, August 15, 2006 |8:36 PM
i am back. ever since National Day.my whole week have been jam packed...after last wed holiday (one which i waited for 2 months), i only recovered from post holiday mood today. terrible me.. haiz..had training last thurs & fri. but then no mood to go back to work..looking @ the calender and the next holiday will come only in oct.heng heng sep i am going cambodia missions. so glad i'll be off for a week.phew..but i can imagine coming back to work will be so so.sucky...don't know how long i will recover from that.....before i dwell on it..maybe let's just do a recap of what have happen over the past week..
On the eve of National Day, i bought a new camera..yeap..something which i wanted for some time since my old one is giving way..bought it real cheap $499 for 7.2 megapixel..Casio Exilim..black in color very very classic.. anyway the bo liao me took a family photo of my soft toy..or should i say my beanie collection..*giggles*
next up..later in the evening, met up with the cg to watch the fireworks..one word to say.."sian"..after all the illegal parking..we were only "entertained" by less than 5 mins of fireworks..and it just ended!!! i reckon the steamboat and the tau huay @ rochor was better...feeling sian, shireen met up with me to see the fireworks festival on fri...very nice but then also must pay for the sight..we had to squeeze with thousands of people and walk a distance before being able to get back...by the time we got back..we were like limping liao....terrible....some photos from the fireworks
on sat, i went to do my rebonding and i had a new hairstyle...sat was boring nothing special...finally on sunday..the long awaited Super Family Day @ Hougang Mall
missions update...courage
Sunday, August 06, 2006 |11:12 PM
it's about 1 month to my first missions trip in Cambodia. today we had our pre-departure meeting..and we were asked to intro ourself and our first impression about cambodia. well as all of you know i am actually "intruding" into our Sub-D missions trip. So i was like the odd one sticking out...For most people, they would think that i am super not shy..and i can get along with people easily.but but..you all are WRONG!! by nature if its my first meeting with people..and if i don't know them i am usually kinda of quiet...so of coz there is fear in my heart when i went for the missions pre-departure today..
my first impression of cambodia--> war-torn & poverty. why cambodia?? The country was set in my heart since 2003...why missions?? I want to experience the real essence of love...As a christian, i strongly believe that throughout our lifetime, we must go for at least one mission trip..
In fact when i first met up with Tze Wei & Hillary a few weeks ago, i was still unsure if i really wanted to go..struggles came along the way.. but God made it so clear to me..and the usual me would always tell God.."Cannot just confirm once! Must confirm twice!" plus the confirmation must be clear and i mean real clear..so God made it C-L-E-A-R to me and i say it super clear..first was my friend francine's blog being launched. the second was that as i was reading the "i-weekly" magazine..i came across this article on Cambodia..see how God even use magazines to make his confirmation clear..isn't He amazing??
During our meeting today, we met up with our individual sub-team groups for the trip...and we were required to share about our personal objective and then pray for each other...sharing wasn't much of a problem..praying was more of the problem..I always didn't like praying aloud especially in large groups.. because i have this fear in me..or should i say i felt inadequate..i can't pray long long prayers like the rest..and i always use simple words..To add on to it, this was the first time i am meeting the people..so i was like "what if i can't pray well??" But as i was praying, i was reminded that God looks at the heart..So when i prayed for Tze Wei..i naturally flowed with the HS. PTL i managed to go through the prayer =)..
The next important thing was that the team is suppose to have synchronise prayer every sunday @ 10pm. No specific prayer points but just go as the HS...Today i ask for the following:
1) Right spirit.. As we are going in a team, the spirit of one will affect the rest. I don't want to have the spirit of negativity to set in..because i don't want to pull down the spirit of the group.
2) Unity...We are all joined in one..As a body of Christ we can't be divided..
Finally, the last thing is this. God confirmed the third time to me about the missions trip..As i was doing my QT one day..I came across a particular verse..and @ that point of time..i knew it can't be clearer anymore...let me encourage you with it:
Matther 9:37-38
He said to his disciples, "The harvest is so great, but the workers are so few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send out more workers for his fields."
how have your week been?
|12:56 AM
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