met shireen @ 630 for dinner cum shepherding.@ taka yoshinoya..shared with her how i felt. told her i have fear..fear of wat?? fear that i'll have to be left single and die a lonely life..all by myself...seeing my friends one by one get married/attached..i am afraid..will i be left on the shelf?? why me?? she keep telling me to trust God.but how to??i get disappointed when i don't see God working..i get frustrated..why is it that He knows my needs yet still like that??? as i said..it's easy to say u want to trust God..etc..but I'm just as human..i also need that kind of care, that kind of quality time, that kind of love...she was telling me that mr t is not the one for me..but does she understand that i have that desire??? take for example she wanna watch show, she got james to accompany her...but me leh?? it's this kind of things...when she sick she got james to buy card for her..ask us to write...she dun understand..all these. =(

actually i know mr t is not the one..but it really hits me hard when i think of compromising...anyway no one will "xin shang" me mah... plus i also need someone to accompany me..pamper me..i think these are very basic needs..which i always say..if u can't even meet people's basic needs..what more talk about spiritual stuff??? church has become a routine thing for me...u just meet the people for cg, meet for shepherding and then sunday just go church..week after week. The people who get noticed will be the ones who does the things and more things...the people who get unnoticed will be always the ones who routinely goes to church and just be where they are, making up the numbers that the church want to achieve. should i call church people brothers/sisters?? or just acquantinces.whom i see on the usual days. perhaps @ this moment the church is a cold place now. How often do you get people sms-ing you asking you how have you been?? Perhaps only when you are a new believer / non-believer then the brothers/sisters will keep sms-ing you. Or perhaps when you don't come for services/cg for some time then they notice your disapperance..and they will start sms-ing you. Other than that the usual sms will be informing you when cg is. Else it will be can you do this?? Can you do that?? I think @ this point i would say i see the church as a corporate organisation..the good ones will get more things while the average ones will be forgotten..