Diary~♥

Monday Blues???

Monday, August 21, 2006 |7:59 PM

Started today with the Lord and things seemingly well...not really having the blues today...somehow as i did my QT this morning, God spoke to me. On what?? Many might wonder..A little background..yesterday i was praying with shireen and i told her about my unhappiness in IA. sharing with her that i didn't know if IA was for me. Should i stay? Or should i just transfer to EA. (afterall it's my old trade) and i deal with numbers better than report..so shireen prayed for me..actually this unhappiness have been in my heart..making me dread going to work..and sometimes i really wanna break down and just cry..well again and again God intervened..first He intervened by speaking through the sermon..next was from this verse:

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us- they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation." Romans 5:3-4

After reading this i was like hmz...i think God is speaking to me...asking me to endure and endure so as to build up my character. Instead of giving up easily..=)

Next thing is an update on my missions trip..the time is near..about 2 more weeks..well actually from the time i decided to go till now..the time has really been like a "spiritual warfare"..first i had many unhappiness (feelings of negativity), then i fell sick...then today my manager say i never tell him i was going on leave in sep and required me to finish all my work before i work..and showed the unhappy face..my heart sank..=(..anyway we were reminded numerous times to submit our personal objective for this trip..as usual i had feelings of inadequacies..and i really didn't know if what i set was funny or would sound weird...but i decided to submit it:

1) Experience the true essence of love

2) Overcome my feeling of inadequacy of sharing the gospel. This time i want to share with @ least one unbeliever.

Seriously, life hasn't really been a bed of roses for me ever since i decided to go for the trip..many things come along the way trying to STOP me from going..many things happen to stop me from finding intimacy with God. I don't deny i fear also.. I fear i am the weakest in the group..fear that i will pull the group down...and the list goes on...but i was super encourage by this:

"...Intimacy can be threatening. Getting close to Jesus means we can no longer hide our inadequacies. His light illuminates everything that is wrong and ugly about our lives. Unconsciously, therefore, we may flee God's presence rather than pursue it. And Satan spurs on our retreat by telling us we're not good enough to earn God's favor. He tells us that when we get our act together - that's when we can enter the Living Room....Intimacy with God may require leaving our comfort zones. "