Diary~♥

struggles..

Friday, February 02, 2007 |1:28 AM

i have been back for almost 3 days. but must admit i haven really recover from the tiredness. well because when i was in china..i always have very late nites. been really busy from dec'06 and i guess this will continue @ least till march bah :p when i look back @ this past month..i did reflect on whether the decision to leave deloitte was a wise one?? Actually though i am more busy in my current job now..i really do feel happier and more appreciated. The coaching/mentoring is fantastic, mgrs are approachable. So i guess for now i am still very contented although still suffering from the busy-ness & tiredness.

Another thing i wana share about is my struggles these past month. Being in China wasn't easy. Especially not having yr loved ones by your side. Many times i feel very alone. Doing quiet time was a real struggle. Imagine sleeping @ 2+ or even 3+. And because wanting to do QT. I would choose to wake up @ 7am wash up so that by 8am i can do my QT. I must admit on certain things this is a real struggle esp. when i really just wanna sleep in a little more. But each day when i miss QT i felt that work was slow and i wasn't really thinking & super inefficient. I did realise it's because i skipped the most precious time which results in this. opps..

Another thing i realise is even though i do my QT. There is also a need for God's people around me..what i mean is fellowship. God's people are meant to be together as family encouraging one another. We are not independent of each other. But so dependable. I must admit i do feel very left out..although james & shireen do sms me but i felt that the rest of the cg dun bother. or even people in the church also dun bother. Sometimes i feel that i'm just like an insignificant person in church and to admit i must say there isn't anyone whom i really feel very close to in church. I guess i am complaining but i really need to say it out. Its like everyone is so caught up in their own stuff. Jarain in her own problems. Shireen & James busy looking for house..and the rest i don't know what..it seems like there is no one in church whom i can talk to. except very superficially.

During the times in China, i guess i talk the most to Jarain..through msn. of coz i know of her struggles. But i feel that the people in church don't understand. Not saying i side with her but if i were her i also won't know how to face the people in church @ this point of time. I am so tired..so tired to see the cg so disperse..so tired that there isn't anyone in the cg or even the church whom i can relate to..is going to church just a necessity for me???