Diary~♥

a joy to be restored

Wednesday, May 21, 2008 |9:57 PM

i blogged about it ytd.i broke up. if i were to say i ain't upset i would be wearing a mask and lying. yes i admit i am upset. i cry..cried over the weekend. but now its better. though i still think of it but @ least i don't cry that much anymore though there are still tears. was speaking to joel last night and confessed some stuff to her. in fact i felt ashame when i first lied to her but since she is taking over me as a sheep i think i really need to speak the truth. in fact somehow i felt sorry that she had to take over @ the lowest pit in my life. i guess it ain't going to be easy for her. i wanted to tell her because somehow i felt it would be unfair for her if she didn't know about it and the "thing" would always be a hindrance in my life and she see no growth in me..actually after saying sorry to God and telling joel i suddenly felt a big load lifted off my heart.

Actually recently i have been doing my quiet time after months of not doing so. in fact before the break up i have been doing it a few days before maybe that's why gave me the courage to give it up and end it. today while doing quiet time it was only 2 verses God gave me

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

"For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long.Yet they produce for us glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen."

somehow i feel assured that God will bring me through this.

today i msn my boss. (this boss is 10 years older than me. i work with him on many of my jobs so our working relationship is quite good and he is my mentor). this is the conversation:

me: "boss, why you look so unhappy recently?"

him: "because you never smile at me."

me:" joking lah. i realise this peak you look unhappy compared to the previous. i asked david and adam but they also don't know why."

him:" no lah. got many issues in our audit."

him:" i heard you tendered."

me:" eh yes.."

actually conversation was very short and sweet.but it somehow reminded me that it has been a long time since i smiled. my joy from the Lord is like gone...which i really want it back. in fact i desperately want it back. i want back my cheerful spirit. i want back my loud loud laughter. i want things to be restored. i don't want to go on being sad. i want the smile that will warmed people hearts. i want the laughter that will cheer others on.