Diary~♥

The Forgiving Heart of God

Monday, December 01, 2008 |11:09 PM

The below is a true story. Its my life story and what i have been going through these 2 years. But the story focus is not on me. But it on the one who cares most about me -> My Lord.

The inspiration to write this is not about myself but because I wanted to really give God the glory for the things He has done in my life.

It all started in 2004 when I joined this accounting firm whereby I got to know this guy. I was his junior and because he was my senior I somehow had this kind of respect and awe of him. However, we weren’t close. He left the firm and joined another accounting firm shortly after I joined. Then in 2005, our paths crossed again because I joined the accounting firm he was in. That was when we started to talk more. We started going out in 2005, but because I caught him “misbehaving” with someone else, I ended it with him.

Then in 2006, he came back and started to sms me and started to sweet talk I was so naïve to listen and knowing his character I got back with him. Through the times, he appears and disappears as and when he likes and I just kept taking him back thinking he will change. However, early this year -2008, I finally had the courage to end it with him. It was a real emotional struggle for me because we have crossed the line. (if you get what I mean)

I had a shepherd back then but I didn’t have the courage to tell her what have happened because from the beginning I wasn’t truthful to her. However, in May 2008, I had a change of shepherd @ the time I was most vulnerable. I didn’t know where I had the courage from, but I shared with her this terrible truth from the very beginning of our shepherding. I very much wanted to make things right with her. But @ the same time, I felt very sorry that she had to shepherd me @ this time where by I am the weakest.

Its Dec 2008 now. Been 6 months since I last broke up with the guy. I must say these 6 months has been painful. The times whereby I cried so hard. I thank God for sending angels into my life. My family who really supports me and a shepherd who loves me and don’t condemn me. But the most important thing I want to share is of how much I know my Lord loves me. From knowing it in my mind, this truth has gone in my heart. Its from the heart that “I know and I know from the depths of my heart that my Lord loves me.” To understand this truth:

“God is my greatest lover.”

Just last week, the guy message me again on wednesday. But I am glad my Lord who loves me so much protected me. God knows that I will be tempted so He made me fall so sick that I didn’t have the energy to meet anymore.

To add on to that, during cg on Tuesday, my cg leader showed the story in John 8:2-11. It talks about the story of the adultress and the Pharisees were asking Jesus what they should do to her. The story ended with this in v11-> “ Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” Yes, Jesus said “go and sin no more”. It didn’t stay in the mind, it went to the heart.

Last of all, God is and faithful. Just last Sunday (30/11/08), Pastor Jeff preached about “The forgiving Heart of God.” The whole sermon I only remembered this->” In everyone’s heart, each and every person needs to receive and dispense forgiveness.” The first thing during response time was I told God :” Lord, I need to dispense forgiveness. I want to forgive Mr xxx.” After I told God this, I felt a sense of release. A release of forgiveness.

This day I am not afraid or ashame to let you all know because I know God has forgiven me in all aspects. Yes, God has accepted me and “go and sin no more.”