i mentioned in my previous post that just last Sat, I attended a brother-in-christ wedding and met quite a number of ex-Hope people some of them were people who were taking care of me in my earlier days when I first came to Hope. Coming to Hope have been a good (and sometimes not so good) 7 years. In these 7 years, I have seen some of my leaders and close peers leave the church one by one. To be frank, when I see/ hear of people leaving, I do feel sad. Well, some people tell me they leave because the vision that God give them is different and many others I know leave because of busy-ness in their work and the most common reason-> they can't find someone in the church.

While talking to a brother today on facebook chat, i was telling him that I think God is very amazing. The reason being when I first joined Hope I had another 2 very good friends who joined Hope with me. They were actually my friends during my uni days and also from the church I was attending in Perth. We were in Hope together for about a year plus and it took an incident to "tear" the cg which I was in then apart leaving only 3 people (Andrew, Hazel & Me). After the incident, I had alot of bitterness towards people and it took me a 4 years to release forgiveness for these 2 friends who somehow I felt betrayed me. In fact, at the very time they left the church, the idea of leaving also crossed my mind. But at that time, I didn't make this move. Not that I didn't know where to go, after all Singapore have so many churches. But I didn't move because before I joined Hope, I actually visited quite a few churches over a period of time. They were mega churches, famous ones but I didn't stay cause besides teaching, there isn't really the kind of "warmth" you find in Hope. Another reason which I think God is amazing because probably from the beginning, I always felt I was perceived as a "hopeless case", Christian but not very Christian-like. I gave attitude to my ex shepherds, fellowship, shepherding, reading the bible, obedience to God, devotion etc was like the last things on my mind and I think no one and I really mean NO ONE will ever use the word meek on me! The most probable thing that why I still attend church that time was because I have a mother and a very naggy one who will remind me and will ask why I don't go church. But God didn't give up on me, neither did my 2 ex shepherds and some of my leaders who took care of me in the past whereby they showed me lots of grace.

To add on to why I say God is amazing after 2 hurt incidents (1 being the 1 I mentioned in the para before and another the Jan one that I went through) I am still in the church. I guess probably in the past, if I have to go through the one that I went through in Jan, I would have left No doubts about it. I don't deny when the saga happened in Jan, I also thought of leaving but there were much more considerations.

Another pt to add is that I mentioned earlier, quite a number of my peers left the church because they couldn't find a possible life partner in the church. I don't deny many times I feel this way as well. Afterall, I've been in the church for 7 years but look still nobody! I do have frustrations at certain times as well and I was telling my ul just last week "haiz..the person I like either don't know that I like him or not interested in me." Of course these times get me and also while at the wedding on Sat, 1 of my ex leaders who is now in another church asked me:

He: "so, are you attached?"

Me: "no"

He:" don't take too long to choose."

Certainly, these times do get me but I guess compared to what I was in the past, they don't get the better of me. :)